whose responsibility is it?

announcements

• new moon candle - will start tuesday, september 3. this will bring in bright, fresh energy to start the next lunar cycle.

opening “prayer”

check the podcast to get some meditation-style energy work for the full experience.

friday sermon

let’s explore the concept of responsibility. on the micro level, we interact with this in all of our relationships. at work, we have job descriptions to tell us who's supposed to be in charge of what. when things are clear, we know what is up to us and who we need to call for the rest. at home, we know it’s up to the adults to pay the bills and take care of the kids. as kids grow older, we ask them to do small things and then give them more responsibility over time as they are ready for it. in our extended families and with friends and in communities, we take on duties to help things go smoothly - we bring food to the gatherings, buy the tickets, and sign up to volunteer.

however, i’m sure in every one of the examples above, you can think of a time when things did not go well. people dropped the ball, things fell through the cracks, and expectations became disappointments. responsibility is a really hard concept to get right.

on the macro level, this leads to systemic problems. companies prioritize profits and take advantage of employees, asking them to do more than their job description and work longer hours than agreed or paid plus they continue to pay white men more than they pay everyone else. spouses do not share the load evenly. in heteronormative relationships, the woman is left in charge of most of the emotional and domestic labor, plus our culture now asks for her to do more caregiving and supervision of kids than ever before. “be home in time for dinner” is no longer a thing. churches expect more donations and exclude large groups of people. governments require more taxes and provide fewer services and protections to those who need them.

so when the systems support income inequality, bigotry, racism, misogyny, and other forms of inequity, what are we to do? i say we redistribute the responsibility back to where it belongs.

this looks like asking to be paid what you’re worth and refusing to do more for no pay. it looks like requiring more from husbands and bucking ridiculous cultural expectations. it looks like leaving organizations that divide people, and voting for politicians who promise to improve the lives of everyone, not just those who donate to them.

i fully recognize that it’s difficult and unfair and not always safe or plausible, but if the few continue taking all the responsibility, letting others continue to shirk theirs to grab at money and power and ease, then things will only get worse.

where in your life are you doing more than your share? who are you carrying? what would it look like to shift that load back to them? how would it feel to lighten that burden? what are you willing to risk to get it?

once you shift off some of the excess, you can start to look at how you contribute to the problem as well. where in your life are you asking others to carry you? how can you lighten their burden? are they worth it?

this is not to say that you should never offer or ask for help. i’m talking about larger imbalances, longtime issues where the balance is unhealthy - the kind of situations that lead to resentment, burnout, and hopelessness.

imagine that a house is flooded. if one person in the household takes all the responsibility to bail water out of the basement while the others relax, it will take a long time and exhaust that person quickly. however, if everyone joins in and does what they can do, the stronger ones carrying buckets and the smaller ones helping to fill them, then the job gets done faster and relationships are strengthened in a shared camaraderie at having solved the problem together. even better, if they reach out to neighbors and someone offers a pump, the basement is cleared quickly and bonds are made, community is created.

we take on extra responsibility because we care. we see a need, and we fill it. we don’t realize in the beginning that we’re taking an opportunity from others. we fail to recognize that this can lead to disconnection and loneliness. however, once we see it, we can let go of it. regardless of what others do with it, we know we’re no longer contributing to the problem.

closing “prayer”

please listen to the podcast for another bit of meditation-style energy work to close out the energy.

may we take responsibility for that which is ours and allow others to take what is theirs so that we all grow together.

so mote it be.